I don't know what to do with my heart.

I feel like a jerk. I need to do more spiritually. I feel all dry and hard inside. I don't want to be that way. I basically just need to get over myself and the things that I thought would happen or stay the same forever. Things change. I need to change too. I've been wrestling with the thought of the whole TLC thing. I just don't have a peace about it. Every time I go, it just doesn't feel right. Sometimes I feel like I've outgrown the whole sit and listen thing. I want to go deeper than that, and it seems like some of the people around me do too, but saying we want to and actually doing it are two very different things. But I need to do something. I just feel so jaded, though. Whatever things I think of to rekindle my spirit seem hokey and contrived. Even saying the word "rekindle" seems hokey and contrived. I think I've tried so hard to run away from being phoney and cheesey that I've become aversive to anything that could be real. I can't tell the difference anymore. It all seems fake to me. I placate myself by saying it's just a phase and I'll get over it and everything will be fine again, but what if it isn't? What if I end up feeling this way forever? It seems like the longer I think this way, the harder it will be to stop. I don't really know what do to or say or think or feel. I want to be deeply, truly committed. I want to not care if I sound cheesey or sappy. Have I just become too self-conscious to truly worship? Have I really become so cynical that I doubt everyone's sincerity? I want to want to worship. In a way, I do want to worship, but I can't seem to get out of my own way.